Today should have been a day as normal as any, with no emotions, no thoughts or feelings except the usual idealogical, idealist drizzle, glancing out at the rain-sodden landscape outside, but it wasn't. Far from it... Idle questions floating into my mind, and an almost contentful longing for things I do not know of, things I will not have, and things I have never even seen... Hm, I remember when I was small, perhaps five, my parents were busy with work, and I had to go to a daycare. I was pointing at someone who was clearly an interesting individual, although I can't quite remember how, and my guardian quickly pushed down my arm, and told me that it was rude to point, so in the tradition of child innocence, I asked her a perfectly obvious question, one that most any free-thinking person would ponder, if they did not accept it for everyday society. Why? She was befuddled, and as always, when it comes to situations like this, told me because it was, and quickly ushered me along to the rest of the children...
It was raining that day, as it is now... Idle thoughts and ponderings, are perhaps some of our greatest moments ever. When our mind wanders, there are no borders, no preconceived notions of what is right and what is wrong, if the sky is blue, or perhaps... magenta, or turquoise.
I'm feeling content right now, an emotion, or perhaps a state of mind not often achieved, and although it seems to be a skip and a dash away from happiness, it is I think, what most of us truly want... That calm serene feeling, the timeless calm you feel in your chest, as you gaze out with calm eyes, looking at a calm world, watching a calm scene... Everything seems perfect, no matter the troubles before your eyes. Of course, you acknowledge the troubles, and plan to fix them, but you won't allow it to get in between you and your peace. I find with myself, that contentment is almost always followed by depression, so when you find that you are having a bout of contentment, say that you'll call it back at night, when you can quickly fall asleep before depression comes back in. Poor joke, I know.
Hm, I watched the Holiday today... That, and many other things, such as the realization that I have been blind to my friend's needs, that they, like myself, build many walls, create masks, so many that a theatre would be overwhelmed, and not realizing what those masks bring on, create more masks, to hide the pain of hiding behind a mask... I seem to have strayed off topic. No matter. This one is much more important. It actually ties in with the Holiday, hm... I realize now, that what people truly want, is not pleasure, or material gains, but happiness, and of course, you think now, who wouldn't know this? It's the basis of our society, right?, but I talk of the real happiness, contentment, which is not happiness at all, but in fact, happyness, that imperfect world where you're content, you are at peace, and you know that things will work out, if only you make them work... That is what people want. Not bliss, or mind-numbing pleasure, but the simple fact that things will be alright, you'll stay in touch with your friend, who you're secretly in love with, or your family will stay together, or that things will turn out, that you will find out who you are... That is what people want...
And sometimes, they realize that they do have it, and although it may not be perfect, it still is happyness, and for that, they can be grateful. Of course, one can only be content for so long, before one must act, to see it that this great feeling remains, for oneself and for others...
I feel right now, exactly like that, but the thing is, I've missed the point of what I've said. I'm sure you, too, are wondering, there's something else here... why isn't he saying it? What's holding him back?
Simply, what's holding me back is just that, sometimes, it's a bit too difficult to make an emotion, or the look in those deep blue eyes into words, that sometimes, virtual text or fancy italics can't convey what is truly felt, but that you have to look into the eyes to find who a person is.
And there I go inserting a non-relevant point, although possibly thought-provoking for a few, into a post which I totally lost track of, just in an effort to save some pride...
Hm.
